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Being a confirmed gear head has its down sides, you often have to traverse through the nine levels of Hell to realize your perfect rig… or, as we know it, the nine levels of G.A.S.
- You are shopping online, your offer has been accepted, you transferred the money at least 2 minutes ago and you are sitting there, in a cold sweat, absolutely terrified, waiting for the shipping notification to arrive in your inbox.
You are in G.A.S. Limbo.
- So, you have a great new pedal… it’s everything you could ever want. Well, it is today anyway. You go to bed the happiest you have been since the last pedal. Tomorrow you wake up, and during your morning ablutions you open up your phone and someone will talk about something else and it all starts again, nothing else matters, you have to have it.
You are in a state of G.A.S. Lust.
- Already got 10 gain pedals, 6 delays, 4 reverbs, 3 chorus’, 9 amps, a partridge in a pear tree and 96 fuzzes? Someone drops a GE Fuzz with cool graphics and you have to have it, you don’t care that your friends are all saying “another one?” at you continually.
You are in a state of G.A.S. Gluttony.
- Your favourite store sends out a catalogue, you sit there like an overexcited child on the run up to Christmas working out their ideal present list. You want that. And that, and this and that and this and that and that and that and that.
You have achieved the advanced state of G.A.S. Greed.
- You are flipping gear, you need to raise a certain amount to get the latest toy… you receive an offer… you open it and scream “You offered me HOW MUCH??” This level of G.A.S. is dedicated to the constant reverb low baller. The kind of person that makes you want to reach through the screen of your phone and stick their low ball offer right where the ball ends of their strings go.
Welcome to G.A.S. Anger.
- “Jimi didn’t need no true bypass”… or “If it’s good enuf for Keef”.
You are witness to G.A.S. Heresy.
- No matter what your best friend from school tells you when you’ve had a ‘couple of beers’ on a Friday evening, you cannot relic that Strat yourself to make it look like Stevie’s. He just wants to witness you trash your gear.
You are being being encouraged to perform G.A.S. Violence, by proxy.
- Ever looked at the price of original Klon’s for sale on Reverb? How about Dumble Amps? Have you ever opened up a listing for a ’59 les Paul, or a ’52 Telecaster or absolutely anything pertaining to be new music from Jimi Hendrix?
This is G.A.S. Fraud.
- You walk into a store… you see a guitar that you love… I mean, you really love it, it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen… you take a picture of it as you just can’t afford it right now as your car needs work and the kids might want some food this week. You make the mistake of posting it on social media, bemoaning your lost love and one of your friends buys it. They offer to let you play it. The may even offer to lend it to you.
Make no mistake, this is the worst of all the 9 levels of G.A.S. The very bottom of the sulphurous pit of tone chasing... You have been royally shafted by G.A.S. Treachery. They are no friend of yours and probably already want to sleep with your significant other and will without doubt never return anything you loan them. Cut this person out of your life as soon as possible.